so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
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