Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
