i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
