i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
