Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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