how can u be prego again
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
