***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
