U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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