I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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