singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
