ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
