Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Omg I joined a choir last night...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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