Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
