Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We are all done wearing pants today
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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