she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
