My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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