Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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