he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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