he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
