It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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