from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
