Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
