I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
