I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
