i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
