i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Randomize
