theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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