Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
