I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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