My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
