so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
