i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
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