ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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