addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
