Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Randomize
