so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
