In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
