Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
