Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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