I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
