It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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