party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
