were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
