I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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