I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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