some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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