check it out our google latitudes are spooning
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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