I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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