i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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