some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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