i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Drake has all the answers
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
