I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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